Educate for Change
We may not change the world overnight, but we can read and learn about White privilege, join marches and protests. Support the Black people at the heart of the movement, and step back to remember it’s not about us.
Forest Bathing
No matter where you are today, walk outside. Breathe the fresh air. Touch the earth. Pick up a handful of soil. See how you feel.
Women’s Work
Pay and value are twined together very tightly together in today’s world. We need to VALUE domestic work; I think that’s what I’m learning from my adventures in keeping my own house clean and taking care of June. It’s simple but not easy.
Beginner’s Mind
At the Creative Arts Festival, we had lots of materials for experimentation–dry pigment, spray bottles for water, hair dryers, materials for collage. We let each group play with the materials on large sheets of high quality water paper.
Celebrate Juneteenth!
Tomorrow is Juneteenth, the anniversary of the announcement of the end of slavery. It’s not a well known holiday for lots of reasons. One is that we don’t really like to talk about that part of our history. We don’t like to acknowledge the shadow side of our country and culture.
But “If you are serious about American culture and you are serious about Afro-American culture, you are in a lot of pain. You are not – you are not smiling about it.”–Wynton Marsalis
I was raised with prejudice; my mother justified slavery and the Confederacy without shame. I don’t think any one thing changed me, but a combination of events in my teens and early twenties. The book and movie, To Kill a Mockingbird made a huge impression on this little white girl.
2018 holds 50th anniversaries of so many seminal events in our racial history–the assassinations of Dr. Martin Luther King and Bobby Kennedy, the Watts Riots that happened just a short distance from our Los Angeles County home. I graduated from high school in 1968–a watershed year by many definitions. That’s the way we become aware and sensitive to issues of race, culture and class–in bits and pieces.
Humility and openness are first steps to confronting shut minds and fearful attitudes that are often part of being White. We White people never ever have to face many many challenges; that’s the definition of White privilege.
Those circumstances are no secret these days, but it’s still possible to be blind to them. I continue to learn and grow in awareness; my latest effort involves joining a book club of Black women and White women to discuss how we can come to a better understanding.
Reading books like Root and Branch, Waking Up White and One Crazy Summer is providing a wealth of 
insight about the long fight for justice and the continuing injustices Black people face.
The point of Juneteenth is to bring attention to our history of slavery and to begin to right some of the wrongs committed over the last 400 years. Join in the celebration!
Ain’t I A Woman?
“If the first woman God ever made was strong enough to turn the world upside down all alone, these women together ought to be able to turn it back, and get it right side up again! And now they is asking to do it, the men better let them.”–Sojourner Truth, 1851
As I understand it, when Sojourner Truth spoke the words above at the Women’s Convention in Akron Ohio, there was a glimmer of hope that Black women and White women might work together for women’s rights and for the abolition of slavery.
Those hopes were dashed pretty quickly as a “cult of true womanhood” developed. It basically said a woman’s place is not only in the home, but also keeping the gate closed on sex and sexuality–that was the job of White women anyway.
That left sensuality to Black women, according to Paula Giddings, author of When and Where I Enter, the book we’re reading now. As a result the reputation of Black women suffered long after emancipation. It’s still suffering today I think. “Welfare Queen“–really, we are a mess!
At the first meeting of our book club, I asked what we can do to get White women and Black women working together? Billie Wade–“I think we’re doing it now.” Finding our way through uncomfortable conversations, hanging in there through misunderstandings–I think books can help us turn those conversations and misunderstandings into shared experiences. I hope so.
Even when a lightbulb goes on in your head, and you understand some of the things that shaped you, reading this stuff is hard. Talking about it is harder. But we really must summon the courage and humility and compassion to do it.
Sojourner Truth said, “Well, children, where there is so much racket there must be something out of kilter.” There’s a lot of racket right now about poor treatment of women, and certainly there is much that is out of kilter. But this time let’s bring all our sisters, mothers, daughters and grandmothers along as we rise. This time let’s don’t leave anyone behind.
Black History Month 2018
The day after the 2016 election, I met with D Anderson, a young Black man I’ve worked with for a number of years. I hadn’t slept much the night before. Eating dinner at the Drake Diner counter that night, the election results rolled in, and my dreams of a woman president rolled out. The night sky was a stunner as well. However, unlike the election results, the stars gave me a sense that things might be all right.
But it was a breakfast meeting the next day that began the real shift for me. Over pastries and coffee at La Mie, a conversation with D gave me real hope. I said I thought how much worse the election outcome was for him and for other Black people, for immigrants, and for all the less privileged than it was for me. And so it is.
D works with the Backyard Boyz at CFUM, helping kids develop the resilience to face challenges like poverty and prejudice of all kinds. He, Emmett Phillips and the others are amazing role models for the young men they mentor. That morning after the election, D said he’ll continue to work for change in the local community, making a difference where he can.
His hope is rooted in connection to his community and working for change. Listening to his perspective opened my misery to accommodate his more hopeful view, and time has continued to move that view toward optimism. We can’t survive long without hope.
Even so, I’ve become convinced that the American experiment will not survive unless White Americans confront the question of race. For me, that’s nothing new. Growing up in southern California, race is something I’ve been very conscious of since I was a young girl.
Watching the Watts Riots on tv and living with my mother’s bigotry didn’t set me up very well to live in the world with people of color. I’ve worked on my attitudes, and I’ve never had the delusion that I was without prejudice. I think that’s the very first step to confronting Whiteness. But it’s definitely not the last.
New Year, New Intention
So I’m driving home from yoga class listening to an interview of Sue Grafton, the great detective writer and thinking I need to just write a little bit every day this year. Well, is it too late since yesterday was the first?
And then I realize I’m hungry, and I see that the garbage can is tipped over blocking the driveway, and it’s the first day it’s gotten out of the negatives since last year. So maybe I should actually take a walk. And check to see if the little free library needs to be restocked.
And also the Energy Audit guy is coming in ten minutes. And I have at least two text messages that came when I was in Downward Facing Dog, and no telling how many phone calls. Oh, and I still have a yoga class to plan. But here I am, at my computer, putting my intention of writing each day out into the world.
And feeling excited about it!
Resolutions. Intentions. Whatever. If we take them too seriously, they can set us up for failure, discouragement and self flagellation. But no change comes without action. No goals are met unless we do the work. And chunking down the work is key to progress. At least for me.
So, here’s my first chunk of writing for 2018. Inspired by Sue Grafton who was working on W in her series of 26 detective novels, one for each letter of the alphabet. Talking about how she’d keep writing about Kinsey Milhone after Z is for Zero. But that didn’t happen. She left a missing piece, and an inspiration for me.
Lessons for Harvest Time
Gardening gets kids excited about how things grow. Use time in the garden to apply math concepts, and experience wonder. To wonder so much you want to read, ask questions and read some more.
Gotta Have a Coach
Over the last four years or so, I’ve let my backyard get more than a little overgrown. One reason–an Amur Maple that we planted the first spring I lived here took a huge hit in an early snow storm. I wept over that tree the next morning when I found every branch either broken or split down the middle from the heavy snow on leaves that were just turning red-orange. 
Losing that maple turned my shade garden into the sunniest part of the yard. I had to move the hostas, lungwort and other shade-lovers to the back where some trees had grown up. I admit to putting things in hastily so I could concentrate on the “public” part of the yard.
Tim and I spent three seasons moving rose bushes from the back to the front, finding a ginkgo tree and replacing a couple very old yews with a boxwood hedge. Last August I finally exhaled deeply and thought, “this is what I imagined it would look like.”
Through it all, my garden coach Anne Larson helped me along. She commiserated and encouraged when the maple died. She was available by phone as we shopped for the ginkgo. Just a couple weeks ago she nudged me to move a viburnum “just two feet” and that made all the difference in a grouping of shrubs along the east fence.
Anne helps me make my garden more beautiful and resilient, and even suggests ways to make it less work. 
Choosing plants that can withstand the extremes of Iowa winters and summers, wet and dry can make life much less stressful.
Last week when I said something about my garden coach to Eric “Only you would have a garden coach” was his reaction. But you know, my garden means a lot to me and it wouldn’t be nearly as great without my coach. We offer coaching services here at Next Step, and really it’s the very same thing as in the garden–encouragement, support, help with decision-making and problem-solving, communication.
Coaches are great. Get a coach. You’ll love it.