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Bust the Cliques

Cliques, gossip, put downs and relational aggression continue as difficulties for the girls’ groups. On the spring survey, about half the girls said gossip and put downs happen at least sometimes in their groups, and only about half the girls say they are stopped when they do happen.

In 2007, I worked with a small group of 7th grade girls at Brody Middle School to put together a video about cliques. One of the things the girls learned when they interviewed their teachers and counselor, was that adults have cliques too. When we played Group Juggle yesterday, people dealt with “gossip” by putting it in their pockets or throwing it on the floor so it wouldn’t interfere with the real work of the group. The real life parallel would be not passing it along or confronting the gossip with how hurtful it is.

Along with the video, the girls at Brody put together a program for the rest of their Chrysalis After-School Group. Here are some of the components–

  • The girls developed this survey to get an idea of what other girls in their CAS group thought about cliques. Mikhaila worked with small groups of girls in the afterschool program to complete it. Then I created this Survey Monkey version and entered their paper surveys; you can complete the survey here. The funny thing is that people around the country complete this survey every once in a while. Find the results here.
  • Brianna worked with small groups on sociograms. You can download a PDF of the directions for the Click Mapping activity here.
  • Missy facilitated a discussion around the “Circle of Courage” developed by Brendtro, Brokenleg & Van Bockern of the Reclaiming Youth at Risk. Download a PDF of the instructions for the Click Circle of Courage.

Touch Someone Who…

Yesterday at CAS training we worked on compliments, one aspect of giving and receiving honest feedback. Compliments are difficult to receive, especially for women it seems to me.The Chrysalis After-School mentors and facilitators discussed the kinds of compliments we like to get–about our work, being on time, and those we are not so fond of–our looks, the back-handed kind, those that draw unwanted attention.

This processing activity, adapted from Michelle Cummings at Training Wheels, is a nice way to show appreciation to others, even though it is done silently and anonymously. It’s a very moving closing activity and should be done in complete silence.

Materials Needed: Deck of Playing Cards

Directions:

  • Divide the group into 3 or 4 smaller groups by having them choose a playing card (heart, diamond, club, spade). They should look at their cards but not show it to anyone else. Make sure you have equal numbers of each suit to pass out.
  • Have the group sit comfortably around the room, either on the floor or on chairs, so there is space for to walk around.
  • Ask everyone to close her eyes. They should keep their eyes (and mouths) closed for the whole activity. Explain the activity while everyone is sitting with their eyes closed.
  • Let them know that you will ask each group at a different time to open their eyes and stand. Then you will read a statement, beginning with “Touch someone who…” The standing group will then quietly walk around and gently touch the arm or shoulder of someone for whom the statement applies. Again, there should be no talking. This is a silent and anonymous activity.
  • Give enough time for the standing group to touch a number of others before reading the next statement. Come up with at least 3-6 unique statements for each group. After each group finishes its last statement, ask them to return to their seats and close their eyes. Wait for them to settle before you ask the next group to open their eyes and stand. Repeat with all the small groups. Allow a minute or two of quiet reflection after the last group returns to their seats.

Examples of Statements:  Touch Someone Who…

  • you’d like to get to know better
  • you think is a good leader
  • inspires you
  • you appreciate
  • you look up to
  • you admire
  • you trust
  • you wish you knew more about
  • makes you laugh
  • communicates well
  • is a positive influence
  • works well with others
  • you have learned from
  • you enjoy being around

Learn about Women’s History

Even though I’ve been around for several decades, I’m still sometimes surprised by how much I DON’T KNOW about the part women have played in history and the evolution of women’s rights around the globe. Right now I’m reading a book called Snow Flower and the Secret Fan. It has some pretty excruciating descriptions of foot binding and the second class status of women in China a couple centuries ago. Girls growing up today have more freedom and options than even 100 years ago but…

“History helps us learn who we are…when we don’t know our own history, our power and dreams are immediately diminished.”

National Women’s History Project

The National Women’s History Project’s Resource Center recognizes and celebrates women’s accomplishments through educational materials, information and programs.

Discover Creativity

I listened to Speaking of Faith this morning while I did yoga. I use this routine to focus on spirituality and fitness; it’s easier for me to meditate when I’m moving! This week’s podcast was titled “Fishing with Mystery” and James Prosek said that creativity is our gift from the Creator. Discovering our own creativity and expressing it is a form of worship. From there my mind wandered back to the workshop Rachel Rockwell facilitated for Chrysalis After-School facilitators and mentors yesterday.

She worked with us on creating paintings and stories in the safe, respectful environment of Culture Inc. Afterward, one of the facilitators said she always becomes anxious when she is in a situation where she has to create. I think a lot of people feel that way, as we have had the products of our creativity judged and sometimes gotten little support.

I think it might help me to use James Prosek’s metaphor of connecting to the creative pipeline when I sit down to create. At times, I’ve experienced that connection when I’ve painted, written grants, facilitated groups. I think it comes more from letting go than from trying really hard. And again, it’s a process and learning experience.

Then there is the discipline required for creativity; I’ve found I need order. Stephen King requires himself to write 2,000 words each day before he does much else. The Artist’s Way recommends morning pages–two pages of writing first thing in the morning in a stream of consciousness mode.

So creativity is a sum of at least two parts–tapping into the pipeline and discipline–available to most of us.

Divide Your Group

As I facilitate experiential education or group discussions, I like to divide any group that is larger than seven people into smaller groups. This makes it easier for quieter people to be heard. If I’m with a group for more than an hour or so, I mix the groups up so everyone gets to know each other better. I’ve experimented with some different ways to divide large groups lately; here are some of the methods I use.

At customer service training I am doing for the Iowa Community Action Association, I’ve been using the Chinese Zodiac. I made up nametags with the pictures of the twelve Zodiac animals–

Brody Girls at HerStory 2007

Brody Girls at HerStory 2007

  • Rat
  • Ox
  • Tiger
  • Rabbit
  • Dragon
  • Snake
  • Horse
  • Lamb
  • Monkey
  • Rooster
  • Dog
  • Pig

Then I made pages with the corresponding pictures, descriptions and years of birth for each sign. I put these on the tables, automatically dividing the group as they arrive. I have small groups form by combining different signs. Here is a Web site that tells you which signs go together best; you could base another grouping on those recommendations.

Here are some other quick ideas for forming small groups randomly–

  • Have the girls line up by one of these methods; then divide the line into the size or number of groups you want– (Shoe size, Height, Birthday)
  • Divide by eye color, kinds of shoes or shirt color
  • Divide by month of birth or season of birth–
    (Winter = December, January, February, Spring = March, April, May, Summer = June, July, August, Fall = September, October, November)
  • Play the game Mingle Mingle, ending with the number you want in your small groups.

Michelle Cummings of Training Wheels has published a book–Playing With a Full Deck–that has lots of ideas for activities for groups that only use card games. Download Dividing a Group for a taste.

Mingle Mingle!

This is a really fun way to mix a group up and then divide up cliques without anyone being the wiser. Here’s a video that is worth 10,000 words of explanation for a game I’ve used for years.

Celebrate Justice!

“I do believe there are gender and ethnic stereotypes that propel people to assumptions about what they expected me to be,” these words from Sonia Sotomayor, our newest Supreme Court Justice, encapsulate the reasons for Chrysalis After-School. Girls need to overcome those assumptions and women need to challenge them!

So many articles have been written about how she has overcome her origins. But I wonder if those origins have actually helped her become the person she is.Certainly the injections required to survive juvenile diabetes taught her discipline. Her childhood in a Bronx home raised by her widowed Latina mother, taught her independence and gave her strength.

The Perry Mason television show inspired her to become a judge; she realized the judge was the most important person in the courtroom. That’s what she wanted to be. Patience and determination to survive law school, the prosecutor’s office and the federal approval process are certainly traits that any woman must learn to break the invisible barriers to achievement that still exist.

Web the Group’s Words

This planning technique is a group version of mind mapping; I use this system of visual note taking all the time to capture memories and ideas. Tony Buzan developed mind mapping in Britain a number of years ago; it’s used a lot more in Europe, but a good friend of mine used it in graduate school for everything from  notetaking to planning for her thesis.

Word Webbing, described on page 20 in the “Planning and Reflection” book from HIGH/SCOPE, gives the whole group a chance to participate in a giant mind map. The group has a giant sheet of butcher paper and markers. Begin the web or map by putting the central idea or activity in the center as a picture or a word in a frame. As the group brainstorms ideas, write broad categories, and then more specific item in branches off the central idea. As you go, connect the ideas that are related. When done, you have a picture of their discussion and can see how items are connected.

Connect Service to Life

Processing the experience is a core component of an effective service learning experience. You can process in a group or have group members create journals or portfolios. The questions here can be used for any of those methods; choose the ones that will help your group members internalize their service learning experience. This first group of questions will help reflect on what happened?

  • Look back on today. What struck you most strongly?
  • What happened?
  • What images stand out in your mind? What sights, sounds and smells?
  • What experiences and conversations do you especially remember?
  • What is it about these images that make you remember them?
  • Who did you meet and work with during the day?
  • Who did you relate to most easily? Who did you find it hardest to talk to?
  • Why?
  • What did you learn about the people you met? How are they like you?
  • How are they different?
  • What needs did your service try to meet? Did it succeed? Why or why not?
  • What information or skills did you learn today?
  • How did you apply what you knew before to this project?

What does it mean?

  • What was happening in your heart? What did you feel? Were you upset?
  • Were you surprised? Confused? Content? What touched you most deeply?
  • Why?
  • What did you find frustrating? What did you find most hopeful?
  • What would it be like to trade places with the people you worked with?
  • What did you learn about yourself?
  • What do you like about what you learned? What would you like to change?
  • How did the experience change or challenge your convictions and beliefs?

Now what?

  • How were justice and injustice present in the situations you faced today?
  • Did you learn anything new about what causes suffering?
  • What did you learn about how you can make things better?
  • How are you part of the problem? How are you part of the solution?
  • What did you learn today that will help you in your future service work?
  • What needs to change in the world to make things better?
  • What needs to change in you?
  • What hopes and expectations do you have for those you served? For yourself?
  • How did the service experience affect how you would like to live?
  • How did it affect what type of job or career you might choose?

Adapted from An Asset Builder’s Guide to Service Learning, A Search Institute Publication, 2000, page 96

Process in Concentric Circles

Concentric Circles works great both for processing and for getting your group to get to know each other. I’ve used it many times to create “teachable moments.” As a processing technique, it’s a good illustration that the facilitators don’t always have to be part of the processing discussion for it to be effective. When I heard this in a Matty Matthison workshop, a lightbulb lit up above my head; I’d never really thought about trusting processing to the group. But it works!

To form two concentric circles, have the group members from pairs. If there is an odd number, ask one of the other facilitators to partner with her. Ask one partner of each pair to form a circle, facing out. Then have the other partners come and stand across from them, forming a circle, facing inward.

Pose a question for pairs to answer to each other. Give them about 30 to 60 seconds for both to share, and have the outer circle move to the right after each question, giving each person a new partner. Three or four questions is about right. Check out this post for ideas for questions to process service learning experiences.