Scratch a Woman

Martha McCormick on March 13, 2012

“Scratch a woman; find rage” a counselor once told me. Scores of reasons can excite feminine rage, but the one scratching at me now is the social conservative labeling women who need birth control sluts and whores. The same party that screams “Second Amendment” when asked to control automatic weapons, legislates to limit abortion rights.

What’s going on?

My theory is that men, on some subconscious level, are reacting to women’s economic and political gains over the last 45 years. Remember that women didn’t have the right to vote in the US until 1920. My mom was five years old then. Women haven’t even had the vote for four full generations yet.

I was alive and awake for the women’s movement in the late 60s and early 70s. I didn’t burn any bras, but I sure don’t miss the other restrictions I grew up with. I was an honor student in high school, but it was very clear that my career choices were nursing, teaching, motherhood, and office work. I went to college expecting to find a husband and get a teaching certificate to “fall back on.” What a rude awakening when no husband showed up, and I hated teaching. Looking back, though, thank goodness. Otherwise, I’d never have learned to fly.

My anger is directed at men of the Baby Boom generation, who have benefited from the sexual freedom women felt when the pill became available. Mine is the first generation with a reliable means of birth control, able to enjoy sex without always worrying about unwanted pregnancies. Some of the same men who would make a woman pay for her own birth control, have exercised sexual freedom without recrimination for years, and famously. The only way I can make sense of it is to look at the bigger picture–the rising majority of educated women and people of color coming over the horizon in the next few decades.

China and India are nipping at western heels. Chancellor Angela Merkel, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor have blasted through the glass ceiling. We have a Black President. Fight or flight provides the natural choice when we are threatened. But where’s a white man to go? Now don’t get me wrong. I have sympathy for some confusion when it comes to gender roles. What I will not tolerate is the scapegoating of women and other oppressed groups.

What’s a woman to do?

My approach, after a little ranting, is to ask, “How do we move forward?” I have some ideas, and here are a couple to start–

o REALLY listen to people. There’s a guy in my art class that’s always spouting off political views I find absurd. I’ve reacted angrily before, but now I find something amusing if I can’t find a kernel of truth. I’ve asked him to help open my paint tubes, and I work at seeing his good–he loves his granddaughters, and he practices yoga.

o Read history. I’m looking forward to reading Catherine the Great, and finding out how many of the legends about her life are really true. She and Cleopatra, another powerful woman, have been rumored as ultra-sexual beings. Maybe their lives provide some clues to our current dilemma.

How about you? How will you move forward?

Mind the Gap

Martha McCormick on October 8, 2011

“Mind the gap” was the theme of the John Friend yoga workshop I attended a couple weeks ago. The message is that what happens between, is what’s important. Between inhaling and exhaling. Between the busy-ness and the being-ness. Between the effort and the letting go. The subways in London warn you to “Mind the Gap.” In NYC, you are to “Watch the Gap.” Not nearly as poetic, nor as relevant.

Watching implies seeing, but if you mind something, you do more than just see it. You pay attention. You listen. You ponder what it means. You take responsibility. You mind the children. You mind your parents. The dictionary says you “regard as important and worthy of attention.” That’s exactly what Friend had in mind at “Dancing with the Divine.”

I’ve been practicing yoga at Shakti Yoga Shop for nearly two years. It is an Anusara shop, and John Friend is the founder of this particular branch of yoga. His visit to Iowa was a chance to learn from the guru. I went with a certain cynicism. My expectations were low, but he was amazing, and far exceeded those expectations.

Friend has a quirky sense of humor, and a depth of knowledge about a broad range of astrophysics to zoology. One of the funniest bits was when he gave us a physical demonstration of how humans are the only critters with shoulder muscles. The message was clear. We’ve got them so we need to develop them. He talked quite a bit about what we do with our bodies has a nearly immediate effect on evolution. Our genes remember our behavior.

On that Saturday afternoon, Friend talked about the increasing weight of the self-help book section addressing mindfulness. It’s a good thing, but these books usually focus on minding what you are doing or what’s happening. If you’re minding the gap, you’re paying attention to what’s not happening. On the resting. On the being, not just the doing.

Friday morning when I called my mentor, I was in a dither. The condition of the house was interfering with my serenity in a big way. She told me “go outside. Not to do something, not to make a list of what you need to do, just to be.”

I sat down in my hammock, with my phone still to my ear, and immediately felt the weight lift. Pat said she felt tears come to her eyes, hearing the relief in my voice. I minded the gap. First I had to create it. Then I paid attention to it. I lay down and looked up at the bright blue gap between the Locust and Pin Oak trees above me. And I minded it.

Afterwards I was able to return to the busy-ness of the day, to put things away, organize the house. And I was able to find some more gaps and mind them too.

Accept Autumn

Martha McCormick on September 15, 2011

I watched a full moon rise the other night, riding my bike home from yoga. Fall is nearly here. I’m not thinking of snow coming in a few months. I’m not thinking of snow. No snow.

The garage is organized enough to find the snow shovels, but the kayak REALLY needs to learn to hang from the rafters. Is there still time to plant some of those seeds that didn’t make it into the ground last spring?

An irresistible urge to buy new notebooks and pencils. Can I rationalize a new computer and cellphone? When IS that next iPhone coming out???

I am seeking visual order. I tend to be a big-picture person, and very field dependent. so it’s hard for me to function amidst clutter. My daughter moved much of her four-bedroom farmhouse into the Hostel Taco (my house) this summer. She worked hard to put it away, but there seems to have been an explosion in the studio, and I don’t know where to start! I was sorting old photos when spring arrived, and they are still strewn over the red tables. Now other layers are encroaching. Remnants of sewing projects. Candidates for EBay and Craigslist. Ironing??? It’s time to get the house ready to spend more time in. Sort, toss, and drive loads to the DAV.

My grandparents’ lives depended on “putting things by.” I have potatoes to dig, and tomatoes that will surely stay green forever. I hope my tiny volunteer butternut squash will grow to eating size before the first killing frost. Is there still time to put in some fall lettuce and kale? Oh boy! There’s still time. For a couple more days!

I need to establish a new routine after this chaotic summer. Start with morning pages? That feels good. A walk or yoga? Maybe. Time for spiritual connection. I started my painting class with a self portrait I’ve worked on for nearly a year. The Martha looking out at me is angry. I have plans for her.

Ride Like the Wind

Martha McCormick on May 30, 2011

Last week I signed up for the MS 150 in eastern Kansas. It’s a two-day bike ride to raise money for combatting Multiple Sclerosis. I rode 110 of the 150 miles in 2008, and I hope can do the whole thing this year. I’m definitely in better shape, but I’m just getting on my bike now. I’ve started riding to meetings and yoga class, and I’m going to do at least two long rides each week. I’ve already made it up to 29 mph this year. I do love to ride like the wind.

On my 5/26/2011 Internet radio show, “We’re Entrepreneurs: we can help,” my guests and I talked about biking–trails, training, risk, safety & gear. My guests are experts in various aspects of the subject. The discussion was inspiring.

Andrea Chase is Trail Coordinator at the Iowa Natural Heritage Foundation. She talked about the huge contribution INHF has made to transforming Iowa into the Trails Capitol of the World. The INHF has secured more than 750 miles of trails, mostly reclaiming old railroad rights-of-way. The latest trail opening got a lot of attention–the High Trestle Trail runs between five towns in four counties–Ankeny, Sheldahl, Slater, Madrid and Woodward.

Dan Koenig owns Ichi Bike in Des Moines’ East Village. I first met him at the KWAKers Community Party at Merrill Middle School. He revamps old bikes, retools broken skate boards into banana seats, and sells the coolest helmets I’ve seen. Dan is all about getting back into the fun of biking.

WEWCH was Jeri Neal’s first gig as Board President of the Iowa Bicycle Coalition, a group that formed in 2007 to advocate for cyclists and our right to ride. Jeri shares this for all of us–

I hope I’ll see you out on the trails, or riding to work or school this summer!

Push the Edge

Martha McCormick on February 17, 2011

We just did our fifth, Internet-based radio show–We’re Entrepreneurs. We Can Help–Women on the Edge. For several months, I played around with the idea of a weekly radio show. Then last fall I asked my friends Anne Larson and Bruce Lehnertz if they were interested in collaborating with me on it. They both trust me way more than they should, and said “sure!”

Well, two months and a lot of gray hairs later (not mine, mind you. at least I’m not admitting it), we’ve got a few not-so-great, and two very good shows under our belt and on Des Moines Amplified. The concept is to facilitate a discussion with local folks who are stepping out on the edge–starting businesses, hatching new ideas, solving problems, offering resources. In short, doing the deal. I described the concept to a friend at lunch yesterday, and she said, “It sounds progressive.” That’s what we’re going for.

Progressive. Creative. Upbeat. Fun.

Today I visited with two women entrepreneurs in areas traditionally dominated by males–LeAnn Ely owns Terre d’Esprit Farm, where she raises meat goats. One of her mentors told her not to do it, and that just made her want to prove she could. She said the challenges often come from unexpected sources–her customers, who may not be accustomed to dealing with businesswomen. And the government, which often insists on talking to her husband! In addition to her goat farm, LeAnn is raising a family and working a full time job. Talk about multi-tasking!

Kenna Neighbors recently opened Seed, an urban garden shop in the Des Moines’ East Village. It’s her second business, and she is wildly successful! She started her landscape business a while ago, and now has 27 employees (LeAnn has about 27 goats. hmmmmm) After trying jobs in retail, Kenna decided, “I’m just not a pantyhose kind of girl.” Like many women, she started her company after fleeing a wreck of a marriage and wondering, “How am I going to feed my kids?” along with a love for digging in the dirt. She blew a horse manure source’s mind by lifting a handful up to her nose. “This is what I want!”

Talking with Kenna and LeAnn made me even more excited about doing the show, and about my own business. I’m still not sure what radio has to do with Next Step, but I’m pretty sure that more will be revealed. I think I was a frustrated entrepreneur for all those years I worked for Iowa State University, and I’m grateful they put up with me. But I was always on the edge of the organization, and now I’m learning why. In yoga, we talk about pushing the edge. Women start about twice as many businesses as men; maybe we’re just more compelled to go out on that edge.

Salute the Sun

Martha McCormick on January 1, 2011

Yesterday I did 108 Sun Salutations with about a dozen other women at Shakti Yoga Shop. It was challenging, but went by surprisingly fast. One of the first things we asked was the significance of 108. The answer took up about 3 pages, and included–

…which brings us back to saluting the sun. Winter solstice is less than 2 weeks behind us. It is my favorite day of the year: it marks the day when daylight begins to lengthen. I can only imagine our earliest forbears watching the dwindling light and heat, fearing it was the end of the world, developing ceremonies and bargains to make the sun return for a year.

We continue many of those traditions around the holidays. Lighting candles, bringing in greenery, putting up Christmas lights. On this first day — 1/1/11, I hope for a lighter year, for peaceful, brighter days. I hope for clarity on the problems facing our planet. Perhaps by saluting the sun, still the source of life, we can perhaps begin to mend the earth.

Practice Yoga

Martha McCormick on December 25, 2010

I lost a dear friend a month ago, and what I thought was a lifelong relationship fell apart the next day. To say the least, I was reeling for about a week. The first morning after the breakup, I went to yoga. Paula met me with a box of tissues, saying she had seen my Facebook status change to “single.” She found me a spot in the back row and told me to just do whatever I needed. I practiced my yoga and cried off and on. Afterward, one of the other students listened with sympathy to my tale of woe.

I have practiced yoga most days since then. It’s making me strong, inside and out, and I am becoming part of the kula. I’ve enjoyed dinner, breakfast and coffee with other members, and am feeling a closer bond with everyone. I’ve long preferred to attain spiritual growth through physical practice, and yoga is again confirming that preference. During 2010, my “year of good health,” I’ve lost nearly 20 pounds, and developed a much healthier body image. I’ve become stronger, more balanced and bendier.

I tried a couple of places before I settled on Shakti Yoga Shop in Des Moines. The instructors focus on Anusara Yoga, and offer two to three classes a day most weekdays, and at least one class on weekend days. I love the continuing encouragement, the small corrections that help you get the most out of every pose. Next month I plan to attend my first workshop, and take my practice to new levels next year. If you are in need of a “year of good health,” try yoga in 2011.

Create Safe Spaces

Martha McCormick on November 9, 2010

During the year I taught school in the early 1970s, some of the kids in my 8th grade homeroom became good friends, and often stayed after school to talk. A couple years later one of them, Sammie, joined the 4-H teen programs we were starting–helping with the newsletter and planning programs. We took the kids on campouts, held workshops on everything from drama, the arts, feminism and juvenile justice to the American Indian Movement.

Eventually Sammie came out to me, admitting to be gay. I doubt that I responded appropriately; it was my first experience with such a confidence and I didn’t know where to find resources for handling it. We continued to talk about what was going on for several years and eventually, I had to visit Sammie in the psych ward after a suicide attempt. It broke my heart; unfortunately problems like Sammie’s are still so common today. We have a long way to go.

I’ve worked in the field of sexuality education for a long time; along the way I found out I had to examine my own attitudes before I could help anyone else. I’m very proud of my stepdaughter, Denise Stapley, who is currently the ONLY AASECT Certified Sex Therapist in Iowa. I like to think that the book I conspicuously laid around the house–What’s Happening to Me? back in the 1980’s may have had something to do with her choice of profession!

This post highlights some resources to help us take next steps toward a more supportive, helpful society where teens can trudge the path to healthy adulthood with courage and grace. Love Your Body is an earlier post that has a bunch of links you’ll enjoy.

I’ve developed a number of programs over the years–

  • Creating Safe Spaces, a video that offers helpful ideas for showing kids you’re a safe person. Use the ideas here to communicate your trustworthiness and willingness to listen. The video addresses things to do, posters, arrangement and self-disclosure. It includes several examples of safe spaces as well.
  • Challenge for Healthy Relationships is an adventure-based program I originally created to bring boys and young men into the conversation about sexuality and teen pregnancy prevention. The idea was that if they were involved in physical challenges, it would be easier for them to talk about feelings. We also found many activities that worked well as metaphors for decision making around sex, sexuality and pregnancy.
  • The Pleasure Meter is a way to start discussion; it helps people get to know and can help you learn about your group and how the participants define sexual behavior.
  • This post links to Go Ask Alice which has reliable information for when kids come to us with questions about sex. The site is a a Health Q & A Service of Columbia University.
  • I developed this post in the summer of 2009 when textual harassment was in the news. Bullying is still a big problem not only among kids, but in the media and on the highways. This video about what might happen if you talk to your parents, counselor or boyfriend about “textual harassment” is pretty funny, and a good example of how NOT to listen to kids talk about sex!

This morning I came across Doctor: Teen girls misinformed on body image, sex in USA Today, and it describes some indicators and guidelines for sexual education. As a woman and mother, this is a most baffling issues in raising healthy children. The article makes some great points about realistic expectations for sexual activity, establishing a relationship with a gynecologist, and reviews the book by Dr. Jennifer Ashton, The Body Scoop for Girls: A Straight-Talk Guide to a Healthy, Beautiful You; it sounds like a great resource.

You’ll find a review here in the Comments section as soon as I read it!

Clean and Green Your Second Grade Class

Martha McCormick on October 24, 2010

With this Clean and Green Second Grade Program Guide, the first phase of the Keep Iowa Beautiful service learning, litter-free schools, environmental education, character building program is officially ready for piloting! With help from the Waste Commission of Scott County, Character Counts! in Iowa, Davenport Public Schools, we are ready to send teachers and kids out to the playground and community to find ways to make them better while they are learning the essential concepts of the Common Core Second Grade State Standards for Mathematics, Life Science, Social Studies, Literacy and 21st Century Skills. The Second Grade Matrix of 20 activities is based on the Core and the Four Keys of Character Education-safe, challenging community, self study, other study and public performance-to assure that we help teachers incorporate best practice in their classrooms.

The guide is flexible; it has engaging activities for the classroom, afterschool and summer programs. Each of the activities can stand on its own, but it will be more powerful if used as a comprehensive unit. During this pilot year, we’ll collect feedback from as many of you as possible, and change the program guide in response to that feedback. Watch this Web Site for online surveys, send feedback to Martha McCormick, or add your comments to this post itself.

Clean and Green Your First Grade Class

Martha McCormick on October 17, 2010

I am excited to present the Clean and Green First Grade Program Guide. Thanks to Keep Iowa Beautiful, the Waste Commission of Scott County and Character Counts! in Iowa, we are ready to pilot it in Davenport schools. The guide is flexible; it has engaging activities for the classroom, afterschool and summer programs. Each of the activities can stand on its own, but it will be more powerful if used as a comprehensive unit. During this pilot year, we’ll collect feedback from as many of you as possible, and change the program guide in response to your feedback. Watch this Web Site for online surveys, send feedback to Martha McCormick, or add your comments to this post itself.

The Clean and Green First Grade Matrix of 20 activities is based on the Common Core First Grade Standards for Mathematics, Life Science, Social Studies, Literacy and 21st Century Skills. We used the Four Keys of Character Education-safe, challenging community, self study, other study and public performance-as the other axis of the matrix to assure that we help teachers incorporate best practice in their classrooms.

Please check out the Clean and Green First Grade Program Guide; here are some of the lesson plans you’ll find–

  • Edible Aquifer
  • Papermaking
  • Creating a Dichotomous Key
  • Creating a Photo Book
  • Power Animal Puppets
  • Dealing with Conflict using Power Animals
  • Environmental Fairy Tale Activity
  • Unbelievably Fantabulous Long 10-yd Hike
  • Hide a Penny Lesson Plan