“I’m going with the flow this trip,” but as we got ourselves un-lost in the unmarked streets in urban New Jersey, and flew along upper levels of the freeway, it was hard to believe my driving skills were up to the challenge. Riding the subway during rush hour on my first trip to NYC in 1976 wasn’t nearly so stressful. Overwhelmed by the crush, a native turned to me, “just go with the flow.”

That’s a very different kind of flow than Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi described in his 1991 book, Flow. He heads the Quality of Life Research Center at Claremont University in California. This TED talk is a great introduction to the requirements of flow. A key element of happiness, anyone can experience flow.

We are in flow when we’re completely engrossed in what we’re doing. When the challenge of the task matches our abilities to meet that challenge. It can happen in work or off the job.

It’s our job in adventure programming to create flow. To give participants challenges they can achieve, but that will take them out of their comfort zone. help them suspend disbelief. Eric taught me a lot about the time factor in facilitating. It’s better to end early than even a little late. People won’t stay engaged when they’re worrying about the time. Concluding and reflecting only happen while people are fully engaged.

I always wanting to do what I’m doing until I’m done, to do just one more thing. When we were running late, Kate and I would say time is not only relative, but simply an invention to keep everything from happening at once. Now on vacation in Destin, I have ample time to walk on the beach, kayak, read and paint.

Blue Zones research recommends we designate a “flow room” where we can immerse ourselves in activities that consume our attention. I plan to organize my studio to be the center for painting, sewing and projects that I originally envisioned, rather than the catchall it’s become. The last two days, I’ve painted the jetties, and the row of green umbrellas lining the beach. The first day was stormy at sea, and my painting is stormy too. For me, that painting captures the connection between creativity and flow.

Flow comes when our work makes us happy, contributes to society, and is its own reward. I’ve experienced it writing a grant that fit perfectly the organization’s mission. The feeling the grant was writing itself. I didn’t have to pull at the words like taffy.

When I’m out in my kayak, I totally lose track of time. I’m not distracted. I don’t check the clock. I’m not afraid. I’m exhilarated. That’s flow.

Different kinds of birth control have different levels of effectiveness, with even the best being 99%. That looks pretty good, until you realize that even if I do everything right, and plan to have NO children, the odds are I’ll have two babies. I will tell you that, even at 60, these numbers are daunting.

On top of the math, nature has programmed teens to really, really want to have sex. It’s our nature to procreate while we are young. In fact, passing on our genes is our only biological purpose. Just 100 years ago, we could only expect to live 40 years. Lots of babies, and mothers, died in childbirth. No wonder teenagers have sex and babies.

Another issue for me was growing up in a family that didn’t talk about periods, much less s-e-x. I didn’t date in high school, or college really, though I did learn about sex, experientially. Though I prefer hands-on learning, it’s not the best way to learn this particular subject. I do remember a lecture in my sophomore religion class, so we must have had a unit on sex. Sister Mary Alphonse said if you masturbate, you are almost certainly a Lesbian. Though I didn’t know what a Lesbian was, I was sure I didn’t want to be one. I was terrified!

Then, college, the peace movement and “women’s liberation” changed my life. I started working with kids, and suddenly they were asking me questions and confiding in me about sex. So, I learned. I hosted women’s workshops in my tiny house in Cedar Rapids. I taught a very open catechism class for eighth graders. I listened as kids came out to me, and I told them they were ok, and that I still loved them. Even so, I didn’t really understand.

When I came to Des Moines, I began partnering with the adolescent pregnancy prevention coalition. And I began to talk about sex. I began to talk about my own experiences, and eventually I confronted the more painful ones. I talked to kids about their sexuality, and more often I listened. In the process, I became an approachable adult.

Now I’m back in the business of teen sexuality education and pregnancy prevention. I’m working with EyesOpenIowa to develop a peer review process for sex educators. Over the next few months, I’ll share resources for approachable adults. I hope you’ll let me know what you think, and pass the helpful ones on to others. Join me in peeling back our sexy onions.

The garage is organized enough to find the snow shovels, but the kayak REALLY needs to learn to hang from the rafters. Is there still time to plant some of those seeds that didn’t make it into the ground last spring?

An irresistible urge to buy new notebooks and pencils. Can I rationalize a new computer and cellphone? When IS that next iPhone coming out???

I am seeking visual order. I tend to be a big-picture person, and very field dependent. so it’s hard for me to function amidst clutter. My daughter moved much of her four-bedroom farmhouse into the Hostel Taco (my house) this summer. She worked hard to put it away, but there seems to have been an explosion in the studio, and I don’t know where to start! I was sorting old photos when spring arrived, and they are still strewn over the red tables. Now other layers are encroaching. Remnants of sewing projects. Candidates for EBay and Craigslist. Ironing??? It’s time to get the house ready to spend more time in. Sort, toss, and drive loads to the DAV.

My grandparents’ lives depended on “putting things by.” I have potatoes to dig, and tomatoes that will surely stay green forever. I hope my tiny volunteer butternut squash will grow to eating size before the first killing frost. Is there still time to put in some fall lettuce and kale? Oh boy! There’s still time. For a couple more days!

I need to establish a new routine after this chaotic summer. Start with morning pages? That feels good. A walk or yoga? Maybe. Time for spiritual connection. I started my painting class with a self portrait I’ve worked on for nearly a year. The Martha looking out at me is angry. I have plans for her.

But Jose sums it up–”Miss Martha, when I’m special, I work really hard.” And the Earth Heroes ARE special. Really special.

Earth Heroes

The second day in the garden, Water Works dumps a big load of compost for us. I look at the kids and I look at the compost, and I think “No Way!” Well, that pile of compost disappears one shovel full. One trowel full. One wheelbarrow full at a time. Not only do they haul it to the beds, they clear weeds and debris from last year’s garden and rake the beds smooth. They plant seeds indoors and outdoors–peas, peppers, potatoes, tomatoes, okra, onions, leeks, lettuce, broccoli, spinach and radishes.

This is the fourth year for the gardeners. So, they have mature beds of asparagus (YUM!) and strawberries.

Three of the kids are guests on “We’re Entrepreneurs–we can help.” They discuss what they’re learning in the garden.

• Weeding.
  

  Asparagus is Yummy!

• It’s fun to get your hands dirty.
• Asparagus tastes good.
• How a worm feels.

Then I read this article about gardening in Detroit, Michigan, and how it’s changing the city. The Earth Heroes’ garden at the Botanical Center is changing the relationship between the neighborhood and the Botanical Center. It’s connecting the school and the community. There’s no vandalism any more. People come down to get a share the produce.

This year, the kids will open a food stand between 4 & 6 pm on Thursday afternoons. So, stop by some Thursday afternoon, and watch a handful of kids changing Des Moines.

This morning I had a flash of realization as I wrote the marketing brochure for the program. This new program does have the capacity for system change. Perhaps we can stop blaming the victims, and take steps to “provide a decent standard of living for all mankind,” in Norman Borlaug‘s words.

I’ve spent a little time in Zambia, where I stayed with a family much poorer than any I know here. Their generosity touched my heart deeply, but they are not my neighbors. There is a limit to how much I can help them. Here in Iowa, within a few miles of my home, there are thousands of people barely getting by day to day in the richest country in history. Yet, we show little generosity to them. In fact, we often hold them in contempt. John F. Kennedy said, “The world is very different now. For man holds in his mortal hands the power to abolish all forms of human poverty, and all forms of human life.” Even nearly 50 years after his death, we have made little progress toward abolishing poverty. Indeed, we have gone backward.

I offer this post as a resource for connecting with knowledge and research, opportunities to help, and opportunities to advocate. Please help me build it, with links and ideas I have missed.

• Community Housing Initiatives, a non-profit affordable housing organization
• Move the Food, working toward the day when everyone in central Iowa has enough to eat
• Iowa Community Action Association
• Iowa Workforce: County Poverty Estimates
• Losing Our Way, by Bob Herbert, about the disparity between the wealthy and the poor
• Poverty, Wikipedia
• An online challenge–Play Spent
• Struggling to Make Ends Meet
• The Iowa Independent: Iowa’s Children Living in Poverty
• Unemployed in Des Moines, a resource for people going through the difficulties of looking for work, by Suzanne Hull

Well, two months and a lot of gray hairs later (not mine, mind you. at least i’m not admitting it), we’ve got a few not-so-great, and two very good shows under our belt and on Des Moines Amplified. The concept is to facilitate a discussion with local folks who are stepping out on the edge–starting businesses, hatching new idea, solving problems, offering resources. In short, doing the deal. I described the concept to a friend at lunch yesterday, and she said, “It sounds progressive.” That’s what we’re going for.

Progressive. Creative. Upbeat. Fun.

Today I visited with two women entrepreneurs in areas traditionally dominated by males–LeAnn Ely owns Terre d’Esprit Farm, where she raises meat goats. One of her mentors told her not to do it, and that just made her want to prove she could. She said the challenges often come from unexpected sources–her customers, who may not be accustomed to dealing with businesswomen. And the government, which often insists on talking to her husband! In addition to her goat farm, LeAnn is raising a family and working a full time job. Talk about multi-tasking!

Kenna Neighbors recently opened Seed, an urban garden shop in the Des Moines’ East Village. It’s her second business, and she is wildly successful! She started her landscape business a while ago, and now has 27 employees (LeAnn has about 27 goats. hmmmmm) After trying jobs in retail, Kenna decided, “I’m just not a pantyhose kind of girl.” Like many women, she started her company after fleeing a wreck of a marriage and wondering, “How am I going to feed my kids?” along with a love for digging in the dirt. She blew a horse manure source’s mind by lifting a handful up to her nose. “This is what I want!”

Talking with Kenna and LeAnn made me even more excited about doing the show, and about my own business. I’m still not sure what radio has to do with Next Step, but I’m pretty sure that more will be revealed. I think I was a frustrated entrepreneur for all those years I worked for Iowa State University, and I’m grateful they put up with me. But I was always on the edge of the organization, and now I’m learning why. In yoga, we talk about pushing the edge. Women start about twice as many businesses as men; maybe we’re just more compelled to go out on that edge.

Eventually Sammie came out to me, admitting to be gay. I doubt that I responded appropriately; it was my first experience with such a confidence and I didn’t know where to find resources for handling it. We continued to talk about what was going on for several years and eventually, I had to visit Sammie in the psych ward after a suicide attempt. It broke my heart; unfortunately problems like Sammie’s are still so common today. We have a long way to go.

I’ve worked in the field of sexuality education for a long time; along the way I found out I had to examine my own attitudes before I could help anyone else. I’m very proud of my stepdaughter, Denise Stapley, who is currently the ONLY AASECT Certified Sex Therapist in Iowa. I like to think that the book I conspicuously laid around the house–What’s Happening to Me? back in the 1980′s may have had something to do with her choice of profession!

This post highlights some resources to help us take next steps toward a more supportive, helpful society where teens can trudge the path to healthy adulthood with courage and grace. Love Your Body is an earlier post that has a bunch of links you’ll enjoy.

I’ve developed a number of programs over the years–

• Creating Safe Spaces, a video that offers helpful ideas for showing kids you’re a safe person. Use the ideas here to communicate your trustworthiness and willingness to listen. The video addresses things to do, posters, arrangement and self-disclosure. It includes several examples of safe spaces as well.
• Challenge for Healthy Relationships is an adventure-based program I originally created to bring boys and young men into the conversation about sexuality and teen pregnancy prevention. The idea was that if they were involved in physical challenges, it would be easier for them to talk about feelings. We also found many activities that worked well as metaphors for decision making around sex, sexuality and pregnancy.
• The Pleasure Meter is a way to start discussion; it helps people get to know and can help you learn about your group and how the participants define sexual behavior.
• This post links to Go Ask Alice which has reliable information for when kids come to us with questions about sex. The site is a a Health Q & A Service of Columbia University.
• I developed this post in the summer of 2009 when textual harassment was in the news. Bullying is still a big problem not only among kids, but in the media and on the highways. This video about what might happen if you talk to your parents, counselor or boyfriend about “textual harassment” is pretty funny, and a good example of how NOT to listen to kids talk about sex!

This morning I came across Doctor: Teen girls misinformed on body image, sex in USA Today, and it describes some indicators and guidelines for sexual education. As a woman and mother, this is a most baffling issues in raising healthy children. The article makes some great points about realistic expectations for sexual activity, establishing a relationship with a gynecologist, and reviews the book by Dr. Jennifer Ashton, The Body Scoop for Girls: A Straight-Talk Guide to a Healthy, Beautiful You; it sounds like a great resource.

You’ll find a review here in the Comments section as soon as I read it!

Lilly Ledbetter was paid less than her male co-workers for almost two decades, but she didn’t realize it until it became too late to bring it to court. The bill is a response to a controversial 2007 Supreme Court ruling that severely restricted the statute of limitations on equal pay litigation. The original Court ruling gave a plaintiffs only 180 days within the initial incident of discrimination to file a complaint. Pretty ridiculous when it’s not always easy to find out what all your co-workers are paid!  The new bill extends the statute of limitations for 180 days after the last discriminatory pay check.

When the President signed the bill, he talked about the impact of unequal pay on employees, families and communities. As Steve Hilderbrand wrote in the Huffington Post:

“If anyone ever asks you, ‘Does it make a difference which political party controls Congress,’ I hope this is one clear and important example of what a difference it will make in the lives of millions of Americans who have suffered from discrimination in the workplace, that under Democratic control, equal pay for equal work will now be the law of the land.”

Chrysalis After-School helps girls attain economic independence. Through programs like Bank and Store, outside speakers and Financial Champions, girls learn how to handle money, how to save, use a bank account and use credit wisely. The Veridian Credit Union has gotten high marks from CAS Facilitators for the programs they’ve brought in. Veridian offers multiple workshops tailored to any age group. Topics discussed are:

• Balancing your Checkbook
• Student Loans
• Applying for a Loan
• Identity Theft
• Budgeting and Saving
• Veridian Credit Union Products and Services
• Establishing and Reestablishing Credit
• Understanding your Credit Report

The contact for programs in Erica Andersen; her phone number is 515-289-5511.

Do you want to work in the business world someday? You could be an officer in a bank or open a shop and watch it grow. Invent something and sell millions on the internet. One of the Chrysalis After-School groups–the Whyld Girls–started a business about 2 years ago. It’s called Product with Purpose, and with the help of their mentors, the girls run it themselves. The profits from their jewelry sales go into a scholarship fund; two Whyld Girls are set to graduate from high school this spring. The Product with Purpose scholarship fund is there to help them achieve their dreams.

If starting and running a business sounds like fun, check out Business Horizons, a week-long camp for high school students where you’ll learn about the world of business while you have fun and meet new friends. Participants stay on Simpson College campus in Indianola, July 25-30, while they explore their talents and how to use them.

At camp, each business team develops a product and figures out how to sell it. Teams create marketing plans and infomercials about their products, and then present their product ideas to potential investors. The teams manage mock manufacturing businesses where they make decisions about pricing, production, marketing, research and development, and capital investment. Here is what a couple girls had to say about the camp–

“Man I had a great time this summer! I am kind of disappointed that it is only a week long. Someone told me that this was a business camp… who knew business was so fun!”–Kashonna Drain, Waterloo

“Business Horizons was an amazing program. This week I was able to …network with some entrepreneurs in the Des Moines area, and I had a great time doing…this. I would recommend this program to anyone, it was an amazing experience!”–Kristi Philips, Ames High School