November and the holidays are all about reaching out and connecting. This time of year does bring up some stuff, as do sickness and loss. A couple old friends and I broke china, shouted, and got past family resentments so they can connect with their father, who has cancer, and needs to tell his story, forgive, and ask for forgiveness over the next couple years. They want to mend their family connections, and are working hard to do it.

When I reported on Healthy Polk 2020, Priority #8, to the Polk County Board of Health, I emphasized connecting and reaching out. Few people on my expert team were connected before. They weren’t the “usual suspects” who guide community action in central Iowa. I interviewed each of them before we met, and used each unique perspective throughout the process. At the first meeting I put toys out, used computer key intros, played “Get on the Bus.” They shared their bios to ensure connection beyond the task at hand.

At the Iowa Non-Profit Summit, I facilitated a panel of Gerry Schnepf, Elvin McDonald, and Jan Herke. When Elvin began as Director of the Friends of the Botanical Center, the Board complained of littering and vandalism on the grounds. Elvin reached out to the school up the hill, and now the Boys & Girls Club brings kids down every week to garden 20 ten-by-ten-foot raised beds. They pick up litter on their way, and vandalism has not been a problem since.

Jan talked about Youth in Parks, a program that’s been going strong since I worked with Urbandale, West Des Moines and Ankeny on a partnership that continues to plan, train and evaluate the program together. They connect hundreds of middle school kids with service opportunities in parks, nursing homes, and day cares.

Gerry talked about how service learning connects kids to communities, so much that some research indicates they’re more likely to stay put when they’re grown. Keep Iowa Beautiful is developing Clean and Green, based on service learning and place-based education. Both of these approaches connect kids and schools with the communities around them.

LucyKate is studying Independent School Leadership at Teachers College, Columbia University. Over the holiday, we talked about education and relationships a lot. We watched this wonderful TEDx video with Brene Brown. Could vulnerability really be the key to connections? What do you think?

Ben Stone gave us a lovely compliment, “Two Baby Boomers (three actually counting our producer Anne Larson) doing an Internet radio show gives me hope.” Ben owns RPO Consulting, and though he considers himself an HR guy (I know), he finds himself working more and more on helping people use social media effectively. The nuggets I’m still chewing on (along with my GORP) are these–

Facebook and Twitter are about relationships, not eyeballs.

When you use social media, imagine yourself traveling in another country; you have to learn the customs, the geography. You have to try the food and explore the culture to get the most from the experience.

I’ll keep those thoughts in mind as I develop my blog, content on my YouTube account and figure out how to make Twitter work for me and Next Step. We also discussed generational differences in how we use social media. Three generations of entrepreneurs were represented on the show–Ben Stone (Generation X), Talia Leman (Gen Y), Bruce Lehnertz and me (Boomers).

Talia is a sophomore in high school, but has accomplished more already than I ever hope to. Well, I can hope! About six years ago, she was inspired to start the wildly successful organization RandomKid.org after she organized a trick-or-treat event to raise money to help victims of a storm in Ghana. That experience showed her the power of young people, and now she is unleashing it on the world . The global (20 countries with about 12 million? members) uses the Internet to provide youth the opportunity to safely collaborate with kids at other schools, and with people on the ground who work on behalf of their fundraising efforts, and help them achieve their goals.

Collaboration again emerges a high priority for entrepreneurs in all kinds of endeavors, whether agriculture and retail or cooking. Our conversation with Talia and Ben cemented my impression of the younger generations–they will find and create and enact solutions for the many problems that confront us. That gives me hope.

Eventually Sammie came out to me, admitting to be gay. I doubt that I responded appropriately; it was my first experience with such a confidence and I didn’t know where to find resources for handling it. We continued to talk about what was going on for several years and eventually, I had to visit Sammie in the psych ward after a suicide attempt. It broke my heart; unfortunately problems like Sammie’s are still so common today. We have a long way to go.

I’ve worked in the field of sexuality education for a long time; along the way I found out I had to examine my own attitudes before I could help anyone else. I’m very proud of my stepdaughter, Denise Stapley, who is currently the ONLY AASECT Certified Sex Therapist in Iowa. I like to think that the book I conspicuously laid around the house–What’s Happening to Me? back in the 1980′s may have had something to do with her choice of profession!

This post highlights some resources to help us take next steps toward a more supportive, helpful society where teens can trudge the path to healthy adulthood with courage and grace. Love Your Body is an earlier post that has a bunch of links you’ll enjoy.

I’ve developed a number of programs over the years–

• Creating Safe Spaces, a video that offers helpful ideas for showing kids you’re a safe person. Use the ideas here to communicate your trustworthiness and willingness to listen. The video addresses things to do, posters, arrangement and self-disclosure. It includes several examples of safe spaces as well.
• Challenge for Healthy Relationships is an adventure-based program I originally created to bring boys and young men into the conversation about sexuality and teen pregnancy prevention. The idea was that if they were involved in physical challenges, it would be easier for them to talk about feelings. We also found many activities that worked well as metaphors for decision making around sex, sexuality and pregnancy.
• The Pleasure Meter is a way to start discussion; it helps people get to know and can help you learn about your group and how the participants define sexual behavior.
• This post links to Go Ask Alice which has reliable information for when kids come to us with questions about sex. The site is a a Health Q & A Service of Columbia University.
• I developed this post in the summer of 2009 when textual harassment was in the news. Bullying is still a big problem not only among kids, but in the media and on the highways. This video about what might happen if you talk to your parents, counselor or boyfriend about “textual harassment” is pretty funny, and a good example of how NOT to listen to kids talk about sex!

This morning I came across Doctor: Teen girls misinformed on body image, sex in USA Today, and it describes some indicators and guidelines for sexual education. As a woman and mother, this is a most baffling issues in raising healthy children. The article makes some great points about realistic expectations for sexual activity, establishing a relationship with a gynecologist, and reviews the book by Dr. Jennifer Ashton, The Body Scoop for Girls: A Straight-Talk Guide to a Healthy, Beautiful You; it sounds like a great resource.

You’ll find a review here in the Comments section as soon as I read it!

CHR uses trained and professional staff to work groups through a sequence of ice-breakers, cooperative games and problem solving initiatives. The activities are framed around a variety of aspects of relationships including trust, communication, sexuality, goal setting, decision making and healthy choices.  Facilitators process the activities around relationships and the entire sequence is framed around the Full Value Contract as a guideline for healthy relationships–

• Have fun
• Be safe, physically and emotionally
• Work together
• Achieve personal and group goals
• Give and receive honest feedback

Participants in Challenge for Healthy Relationships complete an evaluation tool that measures self-efficacy–a person’s belief in their abilities to deal with specific tasks or situations. The tool measures a group’s growth during the program. Challenge for Healthy Relationships creates a safe and encouraging atmosphere tor all participants and can be brought to a group’s site or be implemented at the Adventure Learning Center challenge courses.

Schedule the program by contacting Melissa O’Neil at 515.957.5767.

Here are some links to quizzes that can provide some insight to your preferred personality, learning, thinking, relationship styles. Follow the links for free or inexpensive web-based assessment tools–

• The Color Code Personality Test
• Sternberg-Wagner Thinking Styles Inventory hosted by the Learning Disabilities Resource Community
• Interactive Learning Styles Test –This survey is sponsored by the Institute for Learning Styles Research
• North Carolina State University hosts a server for faculty, staff and students to post their work without the constraints of university endorsement. This Index of Learning Styles has links to a 44-item questionnaire, articles & frequently asked questions.

Some of the above are research sites; some may be more scientific and reliable than others. Please use your best judgement as you explore your inner tiger, boar or rooster!

• Players sit in chairs placed randomly around the room. Make sure each person can stand up and run around her chair at the same time everyone else is running around their chairs.
• Have your group generate a list of stagecoach parts, equipment, and passengers. For Example–Driver, Suitcase, Shotgun, Brake, Horses, Bank roll, Wheels, Whip, Robbers, Bumps in the road, Wheels, Harness, Seat, Luggage
• Have each player choose an item from the list. The same name may be given to more than one player if the circle is very large.
• Start out as the storyteller and make up a story about the passengers, parts and equipment.  As the storyteller mentions a part or passenger, the player who represents that part stands quickly, runs around her chair once, and sits down. Make sure to use all the items on the list so people really have to listen and run around their chairs a lot.
• Each time the storyteller says “The stagecoach upset,” all the players have to change seats and the storyteller tries to get one of the places. The storyteller can actually try to steal a chair any time one is open. This makes the running around the chairs more suspenseful. The player left without a chair continues the story.

We used the keys at CAS Facilitator Training 2008 for introductions. Each person got a key and used the character on that key to tell something about herself. Then each facilitator took a letter key and the group formed as many words at they could in a set amount of time. As a group got together to form a word, the leader made a tally mark on a flip chart or white board.

Download the Keyboard Team Building Activity for more ideas–Keyboard Team Building.

In 2007, I worked with a small group of 7th grade girls at Brody Middle School to put together a video about cliques. One of the things the girls learned when they interviewed their teachers and counselor, was that adults have cliques too. When we played Group Juggle yesterday, people dealt with “gossip” by putting it in their pockets or throwing it on the floor so it wouldn’t interfere with the real work of the group. The real life parallel would be not passing it along or confronting the gossip with how hurtful it is.

Along with the video, the girls at Brody put together a program for the rest of their Chrysalis After-School Group. Here are some of the components–

• The girls developed this survey to get an idea of what other girls in their CAS group thought about cliques. Mikhaila worked with small groups of girls in the afterschool program to complete it. Then I created this Survey Monkey version and entered their paper surveys; you can complete the survey here. The funny thing is that people around the country complete this survey every once in a while. Find the results here.
• Brianna worked with small groups on sociograms. You can download a PDF of the directions for the Click Mapping activity here.
• Missy facilitated a discussion around the “Circle of Courage” developed by Brendtro, Brokenleg & Van Bockern of the Reclaiming Youth Network. Download a PDF of the instructions for the Click Circle of Courage.

This processing activity, adapted from Michelle Cummings at Training Wheels, is a nice way to show appreciation to others, even though it is done silently and anonymously. It’s a very moving closing activity and should be done in complete silence.

Materials Needed: Deck of Playing Cards

Directions:

• Divide the group into 3 or 4 smaller groups by having them choose a playing card (heart, diamond, club, spade). They should look at their cards but not show it to anyone else. Make sure you have equal numbers of each suit to pass out.
• Have the group sit comfortably around the room, either on the floor or on chairs, so there is space for to walk around.
• Ask everyone to close her eyes. They should keep their eyes (and mouths) closed for the whole activity. Explain the activity while everyone is sitting with their eyes closed.
• Let them know that you will ask each group at a different time to open their eyes and stand. Then you will read a statement, beginning with “Touch someone who…” The standing group will then quietly walk around and gently touch the arm or shoulder of someone for whom the statement applies. Again, there should be no talking. This is a silent and anonymous activity.
• Give enough time for the standing group to touch a number of others before reading the next statement. Come up with at least 3-6 unique statements for each group. After each group finishes its last statement, ask them to return to their seats and close their eyes. Wait for them to settle before you ask the next group to open their eyes and stand. Repeat with all the small groups. Allow a minute or two of quiet reflection after the last group returns to their seats.

Examples of Statements:  Touch Someone Who…

• you’d like to get to know better
• you think is a good leader
• inspires you
• you appreciate
• you look up to
• you admire
• you trust
• you wish you knew more about
• makes you laugh
• communicates well
• is a positive influence
• works well with others
• you have learned from
• you enjoy being around

Monday, August 10, the training will be held at United Way, 1111 9th Street, Des Moines, and we’ll visit Culture Inc, 3619 6th Ave, Des Moines, in the afternoon.

On Wednesday, August 12, we will meet at Southeast Polk Junior High School.

The Chrysalis Foundation requires each middle school girls’ group that receives funding to send at least one representative to this training. Staff from partner agencies, elementary school programs and unfunded sites are also welcome!

There is no fee to attend training; lunch and snacks will be provided both days. There will be prizes too, but you must be present to win! Please register here.

Please bring—

• Kits from last September
• Wish lists
• Favorite icebreakers & processing activities
• Books—
  • Icebreaker and energizer books to trade with other groups;
  • Positive Discipline in the Classroom
• Wear comfortable clothes
• Please be ready to facilitate at least one of each of these with the group—
  • Processing activity or tool
  • Energizer
  • IcebreakerWe’ll use the book you have in your kits, PositiveDiscipline in the Classroom, as the basis for the training. If you have time to read it before August 10, please do so. It provides some very useful building blocks for helping kids solve problems, manage the group and their own behavior.Register here.

Chrysalis After-School Facilitator Training Agenda, August 10 United Way—8 a.m.-4:30 p.m.

• Favorite Icebreakers
• Review Youth PQA—Safe, Supportive, Interactive, Engaging Environment
• Full Value Contract (Safe–PEEP, Feedback, Fun, Achieve Goals, Work together);
• Review assessment data on problem solving
• Positive Discipline in the Classroom
• Teambuilding & Processing
• Break
• Favorite energizers
• Positive Discipline
• Lunch & Travel to Culture Inc.
• Discovering Your Creative Self
• Travel & Break
• Positive Discipline
• Favorite processing activity

CAS Facilitator Training Agenda, Wednesday, August 12, Southeast Polk Junior High School–8 a.m.-4:30 p.m.

• Favorite Icebreakers
• Teambuilding & processing
• Positive Discipline
• Break
• Positive Discipline
• Favorite processing activity
• Lunch
• Favorite energizers
• Teambuilding & processing
• Positive Discipline
• 2008-09 Evaluation Highlights
• Good for Girls Program Guide
• Processing around YPQA—Safe, Supportive, Interactive, Engaging Environment