Row Your Boat

I got my water bill today. For a little over $70 a month, I get clean, safe water delivered to my sink, shower, tub, yard and toilet. I also get my garbage picked up, recycled, composted and dumped, and my sewage disposed of safely. How much do I even think of water? Not so much. But I am in a small minority of the world’s population that doesn’t worry about water.

In 2005, I visited Zambia, a butterfly-shaped country hugged by Botswana, Zimbabwe, Angola, South Africa…We started in Lusaka, the capitol, where my niece and daughter lived in a modern flat. We did laundry in the bathtub and hung it to dry on a clothesline strung across the bedroom, but we had running water. Oh, we boiled or filtered the water before we drank it. Or was that boil AND filter? But we had a flush toilet. We used the old motto–If it’s yellow let it mellow; if it’s brown flush it down. Still, we counted ourselves among the privileged.

We never quite erased the term “bathroom” from our vocabulary, even out in the bush where the “toilet” was a walk behind a bush or even a tall clump of grass!  The term bathroom or restroom evokes a blank stare from most Zambians.  I saw some ingenious solutions for these bodily functions, and learned to feel fairly comfortably without the comforts of home.

At Kabwata Cultural Centre, I visited a very unique toilet; when I asked one of the women where it was, she escorted me to a round, concrete structure behind the restaurant.  It was concrete inside as well, with sink, shower stall and toilet molded of concrete.

The other unusual toilet we saw was built inside a giant Baobab tree at the Kayila Lodge where we stayed on the last night of our canoe safari.  If you’ve been peeing behind a bush for 4 days, it borders on decadent.  Electric lights, running water, a mirror (to be avoided at all costs!) and a little nicknack shelf with feathers and quills in a pot of sand.  Who could ask for anything more?

We visit Monze village, and turn back the clock at least 100 years. This is how most of the world deals with water. Toilet facilities are holes in the ground. When the toilet is full, the family fills it in and digs another nearby. Privacy appears to be valued above other amenities. Outhouses are built in the shape of a backward G so that when you squat, no one can see in from the outside.  Usually there is a slit or a keyhole shaped hole in the floor.

The shower enclosure was ingenious, with a platform made of branches about 1 inch thick, suspended about a foot above the ground. This requires careful balance and planning so your feet don’t go through the space between the branches where the water drains onto the ground. Mr. and Mrs. Victor’s expansive hospitality included a shower to which they fetched water from about 2 kilometers away (about 2.5 miles round trip), and heated over an open fire.

The trip to Zambia was my first experience with the way most of the world gets their water–they carry it. Each day, women across the world spend more than 200 million hours collecting water for cooking and washing. It’s so easy to take for granted the things we receive with so little effort, and often difficult to improve the standards by which the developing world lives. But one young woman is doing something, and she’s been recognized for it. Glamour Magazine named her one of their 2010 Women of the Year. She is the youngest person ever to cross the Atlantic Ocean, solo for 70 days in a row boat.

When Katie Spotz was only 22 years old, she set out from Dakar, Senegal to raise money to provide safe drinking water projects for people around the world. She has extreme courage and single mindedness, and explains that the solo row was just something she had to do. She didn’t think about the danger. She is just passionate about completing the journey. Since her row, Katie has turned to biking; I am inspired by following her progress, and I hope you will be too.

Create Safe Spaces

During the year I taught school in the early 1970s, some of the kids in my 8th grade homeroom became good friends, and often stayed after school to talk. A couple years later one of them, Sammie, joined the 4-H teen programs we were starting–helping with the newsletter and planning programs. We took the kids on campouts, held workshops on everything from drama, the arts, feminism and juvenile justice to the American Indian Movement.

Eventually Sammie came out to me, admitting to be gay. I doubt that I responded appropriately; it was my first experience with such a confidence and I didn’t know where to find resources for handling it. We continued to talk about what was going on for several years and eventually, I had to visit Sammie in the psych ward after a suicide attempt. It broke my heart; unfortunately problems like Sammie’s are still so common today. We have a long way to go.

I’ve worked in the field of sexuality education for a long time; along the way I found out I had to examine my own attitudes before I could help anyone else. I’m very proud of my stepdaughter, Denise Stapley, who is currently the ONLY AASECT Certified Sex Therapist in Iowa. I like to think that the book I conspicuously laid around the house–What’s Happening to Me? back in the 1980’s may have had something to do with her choice of profession!

This post highlights some resources to help us take next steps toward a more supportive, helpful society where teens can trudge the path to healthy adulthood with courage and grace. Love Your Body is an earlier post that has a bunch of links you’ll enjoy.

I’ve developed a number of programs over the years–

  • Creating Safe Spaces, a video that offers helpful ideas for showing kids you’re a safe person. Use the ideas here to communicate your trustworthiness and willingness to listen. The video addresses things to do, posters, arrangement and self-disclosure. It includes several examples of safe spaces as well.
  • Challenge for Healthy Relationships is an adventure-based program I originally created to bring boys and young men into the conversation about sexuality and teen pregnancy prevention. The idea was that if they were involved in physical challenges, it would be easier for them to talk about feelings. We also found many activities that worked well as metaphors for decision making around sex, sexuality and pregnancy.
  • The Pleasure Meter is a way to start discussion; it helps people get to know and can help you learn about your group and how the participants define sexual behavior.
  • This post links to Go Ask Alice which has reliable information for when kids come to us with questions about sex. The site is a a Health Q & A Service of Columbia University.
  • I developed this post in the summer of 2009 when textual harassment was in the news. Bullying is still a big problem not only among kids, but in the media and on the highways. This video about what might happen if you talk to your parents, counselor or boyfriend about “textual harassment” is pretty funny, and a good example of how NOT to listen to kids talk about sex!

This morning I came across Doctor: Teen girls misinformed on body image, sex in USA Today, and it describes some indicators and guidelines for sexual education. As a woman and mother, this is a most baffling issues in raising healthy children. The article makes some great points about realistic expectations for sexual activity, establishing a relationship with a gynecologist, and reviews the book by Dr. Jennifer AshtonThe Body Scoop for Girls: A Straight-Talk Guide to a Healthy, Beautiful You; it sounds like a great resource.

You’ll find a review here in the Comments section as soon as I read it!